Hey, remember me?

So, I just looked and the last time I posted anything here was April 23, 2019. That’s 1,017 days ago. Or, 1,464,480 minutes. That’s a while, right?

Much has happened over the past 2 years, 9 months, and 11 days. I found a job. I lost a job. I learned to scuba dive. I took a real vacation. I moved. I sold my Jeep. I bought a scooter. I had a few laughs, a few tears, a few surgeries, a few days where I couldn’t wait to start the day, and a few days where I didn’t want to get out of bed.

Other than all of that, I’ve been writing. Nothing to show as far as samples or chapters, but that’s not for lack of trying. Why have I been so unproductive? During the pandemic, I sank into a very deep depression. So deep that it cost me my job as well as the motivation to find a new one. So deep that I had thoughts nobody should ever have. So deep that I thought I would never get out.

But I did. What helped me pull out of my funk? Patience, love, and a little bit of counseling. I started keeping a journal again. I accepted my reality and stopped forcing a false narrative. It’s taken a lot of work, and I still have a long way to go, but I’m putting in as much effort as I can, when and as I can. And it’s starting to work. I mean, I still have a looooong way to go before I’m truly “happy” again. I’m working towards just being content for now, accepting of my situation and the realization that I cannot control things that are outside of me (thanks, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus). I’m also taking serious stock of what I can do for myself, how I can work to change my thought patterns, and understanding what self-care really is. I think that last part might be the hardest. I’ve always been there for friends and family, but I don’t think I have ever been there for myself.

So, yeah. Be there for myself. I’m gonna go work on that. Make a cup of tea, pet my dog, and generally look at what I need in this moment.